1. Script It Out First

It’s so easy to have a feedback conversation with your boss go sideways, especially if emotions are running high. Critical thinking seems to go out of the window, so be proactive. Write out a script of talking points, focusing on the situation or the behavior and not the person. This reduces the defensiveness that could crop up. Share it’s impact on you and create solutions for resolution. – Joyel Crawford, Crawford Leadership Strategies, LLC.

2. Take Responsibility And Provide Solutions

Avoid blaming others. Focus on how others’ behavior impacts you and take responsibility for your interpretation of the situation. Owning your part is empowering and the recipient won’t feel attacked, allowing them to be more amenable to your message. Plus, provide solutions you can take part in to come across as a leader and team player. This approach will mitigate your fears and ensure positivity. – Rosie Guagliardo, InnerBrilliance Coaching

3. Focus On What’s Going Well

Focus on what’s going well. Evidence shows that confronting feedback sends most of us into a fight-or-flight mode. Encouraging more of what you want to experience is a way to reinforce strengths. And, you’ll see more of these show up. With a strong foundation (and expectation) of feedback around what’s going well, challenging feedback can build on this and become an “even better if.” – Justin Follin, BLUECASE Strategic Partners

4. Use Facts Instead Of Feelings

Schedule a meeting and prepare talking points in advance that include facts about what is going well and not so well. People may not agree about what is hurtful or stressful, but facts, both positive and negative, are opportunities to discuss a healthy and productive workplace. Preparing in advance will ease fear. Setting feelings aside will open the door for two-way conversations and solutions. – Chrissy Conner, Conner International

5. Communicate Intention Clearly

When dealing with conflict, we often forget to make the intent of our communication clear. We need to communicate that we are talking about our concerns because we want to have an open and honest relationship and that we don’t want to keep important information from our boss or co-worker. Also, we can communicate that we are risking sharing our thoughts in order to have a better relationship. – Christine Allen, Ph.D, Insight Business Works

6. Focus On How It Will Impact Your Boss

What are your boss’s most critical goals and challenges? How does your role assist your boss in achieving their goals or minimizing their challenges? When there is something your boss can do differently to support you in helping them to achieve their goals or minimize their challenges, everyone wins, and there is no criticism—just doing things differently and being a greater support to your boss. – Mark Samuel, IMPAQ Corporation

7. Practice Candor And Delivery

Candor to your boss can be career-limiting for you, but a lack of candor to your boss can also be limiting for them. Instead of focusing on the risk of speaking up, consider the risk of not speaking up. Set ground rules around conflict and identify what contributes to productive conflict. Practice delivering bad news and practice sharing good news. Make candor part of how you do business every day. – Morag Barrett, SkyeTeam

8. Open And Close With A Positive

Instead of “telling,” ask questions to open their minds. Oftentimes, the co-worker is unaware of their negative impact. Have a high EQ when approaching someone with feedback and always open and close with a positive. Ask, “I’ve noticed blank. Were you aware?” or say, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to blank” to diffuse any blame associated with your feedback. Stay calm and positive during the exchange. – Erin Urban, UPPSolutions, LLC

9. Slow Down And Think

Put things in writing. Venting and not following a proven way that feedback is given at your organization can hurt you when you are trying to improve things. Find out how feedback should be given and temper your temptation to speak up, or put things in emails before you know your organization’s best practices in this area. Be concerned about how people receive feedback and use it positively. – John M. O’Connor, Career Pro Inc.

10. Bring Suggestions Instead

First, create trust in the relationship that feedback is agreed upon. If you desire helpful feedback from your supervisor, then you need to approach your supervisor with the same intention. Don’t bring problems or criticism, but do bring eye-opening moments and suggestions that if we stay on this path, then X is likely to happen. If we want to achieve X, then perhaps we should approach this differently. – Shelley Smith, Premier Rapport

11. Approach From A Success Standpoint

You were hired to help your boss and the organization be successful. Your boss needs you to be successful in order for him or her to achieve success. Approach this conversation as a way to help you both find greater success through strengthening the way in which you work together. – Brian Gorman, TransformingLives.Coach

12. Speak In ‘I’ Statements

Self-reflection is an important first step. When you meet, share from the heart, but make it about yourself and the difficulty you are having with the circumstance. Speak in “I” statements. For example, I feel (blank) when someone raises their voice to make a point. The main thing is to open the dialogue, listen carefully for feedback and clarify where needed. Remember, win-win is the goal. – Dianne Reilly, Leadership BEST Coaching and Consulting

13. Be Purposeful And Clear

Open with your intention to enhance your relationship. Describe what you appreciate about them and what you see or hear that causes the issues, as if watching a video. State facts, not assumptions, beliefs or motives. Communicate how you feel and what you think when these observed facts happen. Make a clear ask for what you would like going forward. Reinforce changes as they occur. – Bill Gardner, Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC